because you are a man
Because you are a man, you sit on the subway at 1:13am scrolling through your phone as if you have no care in the world. You in your well tailored dress pants and dress shoes, wearing a white button up shirt, might as well be lounging on your couch after a day at work. But it’s 1:14am and there’s strange men standing beside me and someone’s staring at me a few seats down and I feel watched like prey. It’s 1:15am and on 96th a man gets on and comes close to me and starts saying something. I have my earbuds in and music on, but not too loud, so that I can still hear what’s happening around me. ‘Hey beautiful, you got a boyfriend to run home to?’ And I stare straight, because reacting is acknowledging, and in this world that’s an invitation. The man gets bored of me so at 1:16am he turns to well tailored shirt and pants guy. ‘Hey pretty boy, want me to shine your shoes for you?’ Well tailored guy stands up and walks down the train car his head almost touching the ceiling, to stand elsewhere. The man begins to scream at him from where he stands, ‘Just cause you’re tall doesn’t scare me bitch!’ He staggered down the car, but kept his distance from well tailored guy. He turned around at everyone shrieking, ‘I’m going to stab myself! You motherfuckers can all watch! You can all watch!’ I’m frozen in fear and I stare at well tailored guy for any acknowledgement of the situation. He seems unfazed and still scrolls through his phone. The train slows down and screaming man gets off once it’s stopped, shaking his head vigorously and talking loudly to himself. It’s 1:17am and relief floods through me, but I’m left with my heart pounding in my chest so hard I can feel it. The terror is still coursing through my body, my hands are shaking in my pockets and I’m standing here thinking why why
why do I have to continuously endure this fright? Why does the world make women feel this way?
