A thought about a relationship I had some time ago:
“You can be exhausting to be around”
was what you said to me in the midst of my recovery
My crawl back up to the top floor of the tower
Your words so violently empty, they sharpened into scything knives and
cut the cord,
sending me
plummeting
back
down.
“I think I love you”
was what I said to you in the midst of your recovery
You were near the summit of an impossible peak
My words, a scorching heatwave
gooey syllables morphed into molten lava,
melting your hands
down
to
the
bone.
Give me your attention,
Fill my heart up with red sweet liquid,
To the very brim and close to overflowing,
I’ve never had my glass more than “half full”.
I’ll give you too many thoughts,
Tell you my truths and load on some more,
Confessing the sins of each day to you, the priest I never had,
The weight of my world, heavier inside your body.
Give me an action to psychoanalyze,
Give me something to cry over,
Give me a reason to want to live my life.
Have you?
7 months since I’ve seen you; I’m managing to be alive.
I’ll give you a companion,
I’ll give you someone to journal about,
I’ll give you a reason to live past the age you wanted to die.
Have I?
7 months since you’ve seen me; I know you’ll make it to 40.
You were exhausting to be around,
I was to you.
But we love each other. Just in our own ways.
Separate operations,
still one and the same.
