The day I moved into college was the last time I walked to visit my grandmother. I tied the bracelet I wore at her funeral around my wrist and grabbed a bag of M&Ms before leaving my house to the early morning air. It was an unusually hot morning for September, and the air was so thick you could feel the earthy smell of the marsh stick to your skin. It was also unusually sunny. I was annoyed I could not wear my sunglasses, as they were packed deep in a suitcase already shoved in my car. The summer was full of rain, yet the early whisperings of fall seemed hot and bright. The local runners seemed to be taking advantage of the weather, filling the street with soft crunching of leaves beneath their sneakers. I could not recognize their faces as they passed by.
breaking the leaves of summer
the sun eclipsed fast approaching faces
i smiled at the shadows anyways
Down the street from my childhood home is a paved trail, pleasantly known by locals as “the path”, that leads through the town marsh to my elementary school. When I first started kindergarten, my grandmother walked me to and from school, up and down the path every day. We would skip and try to catch frogs while she asked me what I drew at school that day. I would get so excited talking to her that she would lead me off the path to sit on an old tree stump, so I could continue my stories a little longer before we got home. Eventually, this became a tradition. My stories would stretch a little bit longer than the path could lead, so we skipped to our tree stump and ate our M&Ms.
The groups of runners began to thin at the entrance of the path. After my elementary school closed and the school kids on my street all grew up and left for college, the path received much less traffic. The once pristinely paved road has since become overgrown with poison ivy and overrun with swarms of mosquitoes. I usually have to slap myself silly to get all the bugs off me, and with the humid weather, they were sticking to me like a honey trap.
Although unpleasant and sticky, away from the bustle of people and cars from the street, the path was astoundingly peaceful. The morning frogs were croaking and chirping, the breeze from the marsh was cool, and the faint clattering of the swings at the nearing abandoned elementary school sounded like windchimes. Walking this route as a child was much more taxing, with the promise of a whole school day to sit through ahead of you. However, as I strolled thoughtfully down the path, I could not help myself from feeling unbelievably relaxed. I breathed the warm air deeply while focusing on the rhythm of my steps.
Just to the side of the path near the exit stood our tree stump. The stump itself was much more rotted than when we had started our adventures together. There were holes from buried termites and mold. The months of rain had corroded the bark, so the strong brown wood had turned red and soft. Mud surrounded the base of the trunk, yet the roots were dry and sharply sticking from the ground. Directly to its right was a skinny sprouting tree with fresh green leaves beginning to form and reach towards the sun peeking through the shadows. However, even its trunk was drooping.
Tears began to sting at my eyes. My grandmother did not like talking of death, so we never got her a headstone. This was all I had left of her.
hello Grandma,
mold and moss
so long since you gave me the sea
let me bring you
salt water…
I stepped towards the rubble of our spot. My sneaker sunk an inch into the mud. I rested my hand on the corroded wood. If I put too much pressure on it, I could probably break the entire structure in two. Instead of sitting like we usually do, I simply stood and breathed shakily. The sun gently caressed my face through the leaves of the trees above.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the packet of M&Ms. I carefully opened the paper packaging and poured its contents onto the rotting roots. The small candies scattered and sunk into the holes of the molded wood. Swarms of mosquitos began to approach the scene.
Pieces of bark shaved off the sides and sunk into the earth as more bugs emerged to the surface.
all of you
left in the rot
do not let yourself decay
i will get splinters
grasping for bark
I stepped out from the mud back onto the paved path and wiped the mist from my eyes. The remaining rainbow candy began to sink into the wet earth. I pressed my hands firmly to my lips and blew her a kiss goodbye, because that’s what we do. I followed the path towards the clanging sounds of the swings at my school. As I emerged from the trees, I was blinded by the morning light. The sun was too bright without my sunglasses.
